I’ve wanted to make a faithful post about my loss. Because I’ve lost my folder, my drawing folder on the subway, while i was hanging on the phone and just left it on that damned vehicle, and about two minutes later, when i ran back, to check the tube coming back from the turn [it happened at the final station] they told me that they haven’t seen it. Yeah, because they always check every fucking compartment…. no way. I’ve seen it, that they don’t. By the way how could they dismiss a big A/3 sized folder next to the seats? …… deep silence. And i would be really interested in, that the one who took it what has done with it? what the fuck would you do with a folder, containing a half years’ [aka semester] work and a table to draw on? what? what the hell? Making fire? Feeding fire? Congrats …. Why can’t you people take it to the lost and found service’s office? Why? Why is it so freaking hard? Can’t understand. Yes, can’t, because i do not wish to understand their reasons. Stealing is the worst thing on earth. Every bad done, can be written as a kind of steal. People do steal possibilities of better life, life itself, the future, money, faith, soil, dreams, whatever. What are they thinking? Who’s going to replace these things? Nobody. But you, you who has done, will have to pay for it. not now, and not tomorrow, but at least at the very end of your life. The Almighty Juror would ask them, why they didn’t choose love, instead of being a thief.
But, i can’t write now that angry, and in a manner that implicates that i’m waiting for a miracle, and asking Him, why is it happening to me, and even though i trust Him he doesn’t return my folder back to me. And every time i have some faith, that maybe now, maybe at that station, institute has my folder, no, they told me that no, unfortunately not. Loosing a little bit of faith. But when, after one week of my loss, i told my teacher that i have a bigger kind of problem, exactly that i had lost it. and now, is it true that i have to re-draw them to this Monday, because that day is the one when we have to submit all of our drawings [around 16 pieces]. And the head of the grade told me the following: oh, no, not at all. Then he asked my teacher:
-how is he drawing?
-ok, then you draw this exam freaking awesome, and then you will get a grade based on that 😉
So, then it was a liberating moment. Damn, so this is how You planned. Strange ways, as always, i should’ve prepared to it.
and something about the doubts. If you talk about them with the one who is the object of your doubts freely and honestly then they will be at their proper place. I mean it ‘s the easiest and possibly the hardest way to handle them, and get rid of them. And it worked, luckily. Yes, we had arguments, strong emotions, anger and misunderstanding, but at the end i felt better and more calmly. So i can say it helped:thinking, writing, thinking and then talking. In this exact order, no changing, just going to lead to bad things, as usual.
So let’s get back to my newly got drawing table to continue my crazy assignment flow to this Monday. [wish me good luck with it ;]