It’s just gone. Fuck. I hate it. I wrote it for nearly forty minutes and it’s just gone. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. fuck. i hate this bullshit.
So I’ve just wanted to write about which makes me still alive. And this is diversity. If i don’t get my daily doses of diversity I just fall back to be easily distracted and getting easily bored. But if i got new and new inputs, then I feel vivid and more.
In order to get something diverse I have to get a normal job, which makes enough money to live to my passions, such as travelling or music. I have to be able to have a job, or a profession, where I can get back after my stupid actions and make enough money to go on. Just like a drug.
Oh, I wrote more than a page, and it’s just gone. Damn it. There I wrote about that all of these thoughts are a results of a long flow, long talks with my boss [who sometimes acts like an uncle I never had] and my parents. And this is crazy. Crazy because I have to realise [now, after some changes to BE spelling option it’s fine] that architecture is not this kind of job. In order to do and design, what you would like to do – at least in 1%, you have to gain some reputation. And reputation is not gained in two days. You have to sit there, at the same desk and firm for years. And I think it wouldn’t fit me. But how the hell I should know? How? Never tried it before. Maybe just experience, based on my recent work? Probably yes.
And I wrote also about the connection between my mother language, Hungarian, and the way I think. My boss said if I write in English, I can not think in Hungarian, because it’s just going to result some really confusing sentences, which needing further explanation. Crazy, but true, I got the same feeling and experience in Canada, when I’ve tried to submit my essay, to my teacher, who got really confused about my sentences. I had to explain one sentence in three or four. So now I’m starting to get the idea of being understandable.
I hate doing things again and again. This is the reason I’m not going to rewrite the whole post. But it was so nice and detailed. Damn it . adskowajfdasdfjfjáq fuck it. and yes, i do give more than two single flying fuck.