When you loose, loose big.
Because I lost big.
And it gives anger. Stealing, robbing. Who are these people to do so? Fuck them!
They should feel miserable all of their life. But do I know their intentions?
No, but I don’t care about, something happened and I have to suffer it’s consequences. And it sucks.
When things get wrong, they get wrong in big. And you gotta deal with it, or you drown. Drown into deep shit.
Believe, and say “Yes, We can do it!” And rely on God, I guess. The Psalms are amazing, I just simply love them. So much fear, cry, love and sore is in them, and then there is the shine of the Sun, coming through the dark clouds. And then you can wish for a better ending.
Is it a problem that I want freedom? I love my job, I believe in it, and its meaning, but I want to do many other things. Sport, adventure and journey. So I seek them. Go running, more and more, faster and faster and climbing. Preparing to mountaineering. Can’t wait, but the moment will come. And I don’t care if it’s not simple. I mean the way I write. Simply is boring, yeah I wrote it down. Simple is not boring. But if you don’t feel simple, than it’s just simply not gonna happen.
And I don’t want to grow up without friends. Telling them to get lost? To whom? I don’t have that much, that I couldn’t care how less and less they got? I do know, that without friends life sucks. And I don’t want to get sober. Yes, I like being alone, left alone, but after a while I need some company. And the emphasis is on some. I get random people around me, all the time. God didn’t intended to see us alone, not saying that alone and loneliness and two different thing.
And I love the Kings of Leon. They just rock.
Sitting in an empty building, where I used to be weekly or something like that. Probably not going to return soon. This is the second time I got on campus since last year’s December. My future is in mist, dark, strong and deep mist. And it’s not mystical … ;]
I flip-flop between ideas. And probably it’s not such a good thing to be done. But better than doing something bad. My problem is that I don’t fucking know, what should I do. At one second it looks like, that I can be a part of a great project, chasing all the evil and bad in the world, and in the next I should get lost. I don’t think that saying “get organised” will help in effect to getting organised. Maybe it’s some motivation, but not an advice.
I went out for having a good time, and meet with my old high-school friends, and then my laptop is stolen. I got beat up, and my wallet is stolen also. I hate such things. And I want my cell phone back. I do give a fuck about it, pretty bad liars, who robbed me. I don’t care about him any more. Should come out with something, otherwise he’s just going to go to prison. Fuck this shit. I care still, of course, but he should be fair. But this is part of my naivete …. good faith ….