Maybe I should just admit, that this is not for me. That I’m not capable of doing and tolerating this shit anymore. All the insults, all the negative feedbacks, nothing positive. In one moment I feel confident about, what I’m doing, and after my next mistake I feel and see everything more and more darker and pointless.
And probably it’s not ok. The only thing I’m doing is what? Because I want to show him, that I can do this? Because I want to show myself, that I’m capable of doing it? Or just want to get a proof, that I can finish things?
I hate admitting failure. Is it like mistakes? i mean, a mistake is a mistake, when you can’t get over it. I shouldn’t be consistently fearing, that I will do another one, because I will, but not repeating the same shit again.
“When you make a mistake, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.” /Hugh White
And what am I trying to escape from? She saw it in me. And I don’t know how she came to that conclusion, but it doesn’t matter either. The question is more important: What is it? Life? Responsibility? Decisions and doubts? Maybe.