Dear Lord, here we go again. Another year has passed. And I almost passed away. Or hoped that something like this would happen.
Instead I was not at home for 6 months. It was an experience. I went overseas to do some research.
It included extensive travelling and permanent pressure for time. It was just hectic, eventhough we had a pretty good calendar. An operating one. I should keep up with this habit.
Lately I realised that having experiences, photos, memories and stories to tell are worthless if you do not have an audience. I mean not completely worthless, because I will have them personally, but the possibility to share them is a big extra. It is a big plus. But I do not want to brag. I like to look at people at know that there is so much thing they do not know about me. Opening up is a weird thing.
I did not go to Strasbourg to the European Taize meeting. Hmmm. The next one will be in Prague, where I must go, no matter what. I want to be there. My paper based journal’s first page starts there. I had to start her as a new one, after I lost my original one in France. But this is how it goes.
I am writing again for the same reason as I did more than two years ago. The same friend and the same question. Do I write? And no, I am not good with languages. Brevity is my continuous foe. And I want to be true to Mark Twain, but no matter what it is a tough thing to be short and thoughtful.
Lately I caught up with some old friend via email. It is so strange how people come and go in one’s life. At one point I thought I will have these friends forever and some of them are gone forever. I do not even know what is up with them. And strangely I do not feel emptiness because of it. I did fill the space up with …. With what? That is the more interesting question, isn’t it. Well, sometimes the simplest questions require the most thinking. I guess I filled it up with my research interest and work. Knowing things.
How I come up with analysing what really is going on? I do not.
I do not have the time to analyse all the events and motions going on in my life. And this is not good. I should have time for self-reflection. In the mirror of a lake, or so.
I am tired, but can not sleep. Time zones are tricky things, and when you spend way too much time in a alien zone, you will have a hard time re-adjusting to the old one. I thought I will handle it better.
No I can not. At the end, I can not trick Nature, but Nature will trick me.